In the Middle of the Storm
I'm a person who needs time to process. It was one of the things that drove my husband nuts. We would have an argument or a disagreement, and I would have to stop so I could process. My brain is like Grand Central Station on a good day, and I need time to process. Writing is part of my process.
I'm in the middle of a storm. Last night, at 10:22pm, I became a 38-year-old widow with two young children. There's also two dogs (one I love dearly and deeply, and one I love, but also kind of despise). I'm in the middle of a storm. Bethel Music has a song titled, "Raise a Hallelujah." One of the parts says, "I'm gonna sing in the middle of the storm, louder and louder, you're going to hear my praises roar. Up from the ashes, hope will arise. Death is defeated; the King is alive."
Just recently, I was listening to some worship music, and I thought about the number of songs that reference the fact that Jesus is alive. It can be so easy to bypass that. Yup, Easter. Yup, Jesus is alive. Yup, move on. The Lord has been preparing me for my new reality my entire life, and most recently, he has been preparing me by bringing to my conscience the fact that Jesus is ALIVE. The God that I believe in, love, worship, and serve is alive. My husband is no longer alive. His earthsuit (Andrew's favorite author called our earthly bodies earthsuits) has expired. I will never see my husband alive again. He will never call me on the phone, text me, tease me, do incredibly stupid things that make me shake my head. But my God is ALIVE.
I believe that Jesus died. I believe he died for a reason. North Point has a song called "Death was Arrested." My favorite part of that song says,
"Our Savior displayed on a criminal's cross
Darkness rejoiced as though Heaven had lost
But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand
That's when death was arrested and my life began"
The amount of comfort that I get right now from the fact that my God is alive, active, living, interacting, purposefully orchestrating things around me, that comfort is indescribable. Its the same comfort I have knowing that my husband is seated on the lap of his "Daddy." When Jesus rose from the dead after three days, he didn't just stand up and say, 'Hey! Let's have some candy!' When Jesus arose from the dead, he openly and publicly said, 'Hey Satan, you know that whole death thing? Yeah, that whole separation from me and my Father thing? The whole, you will be no more and your life will end? I just crushed that. In case you didn't already realize it, you lost. Your greatest weapon, death and separation from God? Nerf gun. My rising from the dead? Desert Eagle 6.0' (Biblical mic drop)
I welcome you to walk with me through my storm. Everyone says this, but, these writings are more for me than anyone. However, God has already made redeemable moments through this awful time. And God wastes nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm still singing. Join me?
I'm in the middle of a storm. Last night, at 10:22pm, I became a 38-year-old widow with two young children. There's also two dogs (one I love dearly and deeply, and one I love, but also kind of despise). I'm in the middle of a storm. Bethel Music has a song titled, "Raise a Hallelujah." One of the parts says, "I'm gonna sing in the middle of the storm, louder and louder, you're going to hear my praises roar. Up from the ashes, hope will arise. Death is defeated; the King is alive."
Just recently, I was listening to some worship music, and I thought about the number of songs that reference the fact that Jesus is alive. It can be so easy to bypass that. Yup, Easter. Yup, Jesus is alive. Yup, move on. The Lord has been preparing me for my new reality my entire life, and most recently, he has been preparing me by bringing to my conscience the fact that Jesus is ALIVE. The God that I believe in, love, worship, and serve is alive. My husband is no longer alive. His earthsuit (Andrew's favorite author called our earthly bodies earthsuits) has expired. I will never see my husband alive again. He will never call me on the phone, text me, tease me, do incredibly stupid things that make me shake my head. But my God is ALIVE.
I believe that Jesus died. I believe he died for a reason. North Point has a song called "Death was Arrested." My favorite part of that song says,
"Our Savior displayed on a criminal's cross
Darkness rejoiced as though Heaven had lost
But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand
That's when death was arrested and my life began"
The amount of comfort that I get right now from the fact that my God is alive, active, living, interacting, purposefully orchestrating things around me, that comfort is indescribable. Its the same comfort I have knowing that my husband is seated on the lap of his "Daddy." When Jesus rose from the dead after three days, he didn't just stand up and say, 'Hey! Let's have some candy!' When Jesus arose from the dead, he openly and publicly said, 'Hey Satan, you know that whole death thing? Yeah, that whole separation from me and my Father thing? The whole, you will be no more and your life will end? I just crushed that. In case you didn't already realize it, you lost. Your greatest weapon, death and separation from God? Nerf gun. My rising from the dead? Desert Eagle 6.0' (Biblical mic drop)
I welcome you to walk with me through my storm. Everyone says this, but, these writings are more for me than anyone. However, God has already made redeemable moments through this awful time. And God wastes nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm still singing. Join me?
You are not in the middle of a storm completely. You are the storm. Keep singing.
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DeleteMy heart goes out to you, my husband left me 386 days ago to pursue other things and divorce is in my future. I know it’s not the same, I still feel like something has been lost. A part of me is missing and I haven’t been the greatest at leaning on God to hold me, reading your caring bridge journey and now your blog has been a blessing. Wish I could hug you, even if I don’t personally know you.
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