Not-So-Quiet Time Surrender
I casually make a couple New Year's Resolutions each year, the main one being to not make any resolutions. In the introduction to a journal I started, the author made the excellent point that resolutions (and great intentions) often don't stick because we do too many new things at once. I am definitely an all-or-nothing person. I want to begin 20 things at once, bombard myself for a few weeks, and make it all stick. Sometime around...day 2...my life gets in the way (namely the two adorably omnipresent beings I helped create) and my best intentions fall to the wayside. The recommendation in this journal was to set one goal, and one goal only. Work on doing that one goal daily for three months. Establish the routine and habit. Then, and only then, should I add another thing. Only one more thing, mind you, for another three months. See how this works? This glacial pace of life adjustment is not my preferred route, however, it makes sense. So, I'm trying that. The goal I have set for myself for these next three months, and the priority of my day, is to spend time in prayer and reading ("devotions") in the Word daily.
Yes, I believe Jesus is the Son of God. Yes, I believe the Bible is the Word of God given to us as an instruction manual for how the Lord wants us to live. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that the best way to live a Christ-honoring life is to know Christ through his Word. Yes, I grew up in a pastor's family. Yes, I went to a Christian college. Yes, I go to church just about every Sunday. Yes, my faith is the most important aspect of my life and is the anchor that keeps me from flying off in the hurricane known as life. The one thing I have always (and I do mean ALWAYS) struggled with is consistent, intentional time in the Word and in prayer. Once, I read the entire Bible in a year. I definitely enjoyed some parts of it (certainly NOT some of those Old Testament dudes...Numbers? It's a book where they LITERALLY count and give numbers for all the parts of the tribes of Israel. It's like a bad math class EVERY SINGLE DAY), but once the year was over, I spent that 30 minutes a day doing something else. I'm human. It's one of my least favorite qualities about myself.
For my goal focus, I chose spending time in prayer and reading the Word daily first for a reason. I've said it before, and I will say it a thousand times, the strength people see in me is God. The perseverance, grace, joy, endurance, grit? All Christ. My faith is very literally the only thing keeping me going. As such, now, more than ever before in my life, I need a strong, solid relationship with Christ. I need to read his word, spend time in prayer, begin my day in a Gospel mindset. This act has to be the foundation point of my every day. If I lose sight of what I believe and why, then I will start to question everything that has happened in the last three months and in my life. That will inevitably lead me to question my faith and whether what I believe is true. That train of thought is the exact line of thinking the Devil wants me to go down. He's hoping I will. He is doing everything in his power to take me down in these moments. I refuse to give him that satisfaction.
So, every morning, I get up early (some mornings as early as 5am), go downstairs, make some coffee, turn on the space heater (it IS Minnesota in January), and spend time with the Lord. On the weekends, this process is twice as long and twice as chaotic. My small people are masters at making my "quiet time" anything but quiet. Instead of getting upset with them, I'm using these interruptions to tell my children that I am spending time reading my Bible and talking to Jesus. I end up saying this about 20 times a day...but I'm a mom. It happens. This morning, I was writing my prayer (I write my prayers to my Daddy) in my journal. I was writing down the concerns on my heart, and the Lord spoke to me. He said, "You've told me the things that are burdening you, but have you surrendered them to me?" Of course there's a difference. I can tell God a thousand things that are on my heart, and not surrender a single one to him. In surrendering, I am giving up my stake in the outcome of a particular situation, and trust the problem, outcome, and my part in it to the Lordship of Christ. Seriously one of the HARDEST things for me to do. Since it is one of the hardest, naturally, it is the most important.
One of Andrew and my favorite authors is Bill Gillham. You've probably never heard of him, but he had a ministry called Lifetime Guarantee Ministries. His flagship book was also titled Lifetime Guarantee. If you are looking for a non-traditional author explaining the "Christian life" in a way that ACTUALLY makes sense, then, PLEASE read this book. Both Andrew and I read this book multiple times (individually and together.) Just warning you: he's from Oklahoma...'nuff said. Along with the book, Andrew and I listened to an audio series done by Bill and his wife Anabelle called "Living the Victorious Life". In one of the sessions, Anabelle Gillham talked about surrendering things to the Lord. In I Peter 5:7 it says, "Cast all your anxieties on the Lord, because he cares for you." Anabelle spoke of writing a letter to God, and in this letter she told God about the concern she had, how it was affecting her life, and at the end of the letter, she surrendered this concern to the Lord. Then, she put the letter in an envelope, sealed it, and wrote the date on the front. The letter then went in the pages of her Bible (in I Peter 5) and stayed there until God resolved the concern. When God resolved the concern (whether or not it was the way she wanted it to be resolved), she wrote that date on the back of the envelope, and then burned it. I've done this before. The letters I wrote stayed in I Peter 5 for over a year and a half. When I'd open my Bible, they'd fall out, and I'd be reminded of my surrender.
Today I wrote several letters. I took every single one of the burdens I had prayed over this morning, and wrote letters of surrender for every one. I sealed them, and they went in I Peter 5. They will stay there until God resolves them, no matter how long it takes. The physical act of writing a letter to Daddy telling him what is burdening me, how it burdens me, and then declaring my surrender of that thing to Him, it's powerful. Sealing up that envelope, writing the date on it, and putting it in I Peter 5, that was the release of my control over those things. I know God answers prayers. I know he is constantly at work in my life, and he is working all things out for my good (not the good I think I should have, but my ACTUAL good) so that I may be a witness to his Gospel of grace, love, and reconciliation. If I believe these things, then I need to put action behind it. The action is surrender. Surrender is my act of worship. If I can't surrender, then what that means is there is some area of my life where I don't trust the Lord. Either I don't trust that he is good, that he is loving, or that his good for my life is actually good. My iron-fisted control is nothing more than unbelief. Praise God he loves me in spite of my unbelief! And so, my letters will go in my Bible, where they will regularly fall out, and remind me that I don't have to worry about these things anymore. The Author of Life, the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of the World, and my Daddy already knows how he is going to work all of this out. I'm the only one who doesn't know...yet. In the meantime, I will praise him. And when he resolves things, I will still praise, no matter the resolution. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." (Philippians 2:13)
When I was a kid, we would sing a chorus around the campfire. I'm singing that tonight:
"I cast all my cares upon you,
I lay all of my burdens down at your feet,
And anytime that I don't know wh-at to do,
I will cast all my cares upon you."
Yes, I believe Jesus is the Son of God. Yes, I believe the Bible is the Word of God given to us as an instruction manual for how the Lord wants us to live. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that the best way to live a Christ-honoring life is to know Christ through his Word. Yes, I grew up in a pastor's family. Yes, I went to a Christian college. Yes, I go to church just about every Sunday. Yes, my faith is the most important aspect of my life and is the anchor that keeps me from flying off in the hurricane known as life. The one thing I have always (and I do mean ALWAYS) struggled with is consistent, intentional time in the Word and in prayer. Once, I read the entire Bible in a year. I definitely enjoyed some parts of it (certainly NOT some of those Old Testament dudes...Numbers? It's a book where they LITERALLY count and give numbers for all the parts of the tribes of Israel. It's like a bad math class EVERY SINGLE DAY), but once the year was over, I spent that 30 minutes a day doing something else. I'm human. It's one of my least favorite qualities about myself.
For my goal focus, I chose spending time in prayer and reading the Word daily first for a reason. I've said it before, and I will say it a thousand times, the strength people see in me is God. The perseverance, grace, joy, endurance, grit? All Christ. My faith is very literally the only thing keeping me going. As such, now, more than ever before in my life, I need a strong, solid relationship with Christ. I need to read his word, spend time in prayer, begin my day in a Gospel mindset. This act has to be the foundation point of my every day. If I lose sight of what I believe and why, then I will start to question everything that has happened in the last three months and in my life. That will inevitably lead me to question my faith and whether what I believe is true. That train of thought is the exact line of thinking the Devil wants me to go down. He's hoping I will. He is doing everything in his power to take me down in these moments. I refuse to give him that satisfaction.
So, every morning, I get up early (some mornings as early as 5am), go downstairs, make some coffee, turn on the space heater (it IS Minnesota in January), and spend time with the Lord. On the weekends, this process is twice as long and twice as chaotic. My small people are masters at making my "quiet time" anything but quiet. Instead of getting upset with them, I'm using these interruptions to tell my children that I am spending time reading my Bible and talking to Jesus. I end up saying this about 20 times a day...but I'm a mom. It happens. This morning, I was writing my prayer (I write my prayers to my Daddy) in my journal. I was writing down the concerns on my heart, and the Lord spoke to me. He said, "You've told me the things that are burdening you, but have you surrendered them to me?" Of course there's a difference. I can tell God a thousand things that are on my heart, and not surrender a single one to him. In surrendering, I am giving up my stake in the outcome of a particular situation, and trust the problem, outcome, and my part in it to the Lordship of Christ. Seriously one of the HARDEST things for me to do. Since it is one of the hardest, naturally, it is the most important.
One of Andrew and my favorite authors is Bill Gillham. You've probably never heard of him, but he had a ministry called Lifetime Guarantee Ministries. His flagship book was also titled Lifetime Guarantee. If you are looking for a non-traditional author explaining the "Christian life" in a way that ACTUALLY makes sense, then, PLEASE read this book. Both Andrew and I read this book multiple times (individually and together.) Just warning you: he's from Oklahoma...'nuff said. Along with the book, Andrew and I listened to an audio series done by Bill and his wife Anabelle called "Living the Victorious Life". In one of the sessions, Anabelle Gillham talked about surrendering things to the Lord. In I Peter 5:7 it says, "Cast all your anxieties on the Lord, because he cares for you." Anabelle spoke of writing a letter to God, and in this letter she told God about the concern she had, how it was affecting her life, and at the end of the letter, she surrendered this concern to the Lord. Then, she put the letter in an envelope, sealed it, and wrote the date on the front. The letter then went in the pages of her Bible (in I Peter 5) and stayed there until God resolved the concern. When God resolved the concern (whether or not it was the way she wanted it to be resolved), she wrote that date on the back of the envelope, and then burned it. I've done this before. The letters I wrote stayed in I Peter 5 for over a year and a half. When I'd open my Bible, they'd fall out, and I'd be reminded of my surrender.
Today I wrote several letters. I took every single one of the burdens I had prayed over this morning, and wrote letters of surrender for every one. I sealed them, and they went in I Peter 5. They will stay there until God resolves them, no matter how long it takes. The physical act of writing a letter to Daddy telling him what is burdening me, how it burdens me, and then declaring my surrender of that thing to Him, it's powerful. Sealing up that envelope, writing the date on it, and putting it in I Peter 5, that was the release of my control over those things. I know God answers prayers. I know he is constantly at work in my life, and he is working all things out for my good (not the good I think I should have, but my ACTUAL good) so that I may be a witness to his Gospel of grace, love, and reconciliation. If I believe these things, then I need to put action behind it. The action is surrender. Surrender is my act of worship. If I can't surrender, then what that means is there is some area of my life where I don't trust the Lord. Either I don't trust that he is good, that he is loving, or that his good for my life is actually good. My iron-fisted control is nothing more than unbelief. Praise God he loves me in spite of my unbelief! And so, my letters will go in my Bible, where they will regularly fall out, and remind me that I don't have to worry about these things anymore. The Author of Life, the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of the World, and my Daddy already knows how he is going to work all of this out. I'm the only one who doesn't know...yet. In the meantime, I will praise him. And when he resolves things, I will still praise, no matter the resolution. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." (Philippians 2:13)
When I was a kid, we would sing a chorus around the campfire. I'm singing that tonight:
"I cast all my cares upon you,
I lay all of my burdens down at your feet,
And anytime that I don't know wh-at to do,
I will cast all my cares upon you."
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